A.Hospital and me

  1. I awoke sometime in June feeling nothing and yet being full of life. At first remembering little, as if my first 25 years were just as not, and I had never existed. But there I was opening my eyes with reality dictating me to be simple and yet alive. Speaking in a halting, slurred voice I would address my mother or the hospital crew so I had things to say, yet dead feeling inside and mind blank. What was remembered about before, I would be lying if I said nothing. So instead I will tell the truth.

From what can be told of my early years I was to some degree far worse than good, being an only child and wanting/craving public relations. My mother, who has been the most trusting and faithful source of information, told me that I was a “people-person”. Which has been both a help and a thorn in my side, all depending on my choice of using it. The problem was that at some time, far earlier than late, in my days granted on this earth I simply gave up. Instead of doing what my being was created for, I chose to be popular. Since “popularity” is merely a notion, the feeding of whichever crowd you may be in.  The crowd I was in was the outcasts. But that crowd of outcasts only let me stay if I did things their way. Amuse them (which often meant breaking the rules) or be shunned. They were people who chose to be separate from the main group, not outcasts as in unclean people.

Really this was not a broken ankle or a sprained back, something that would heal eventually and you will be back to doing what you do, but a brain injury. One of a severe sort meaning I had been in a coma for well over 30 minutes. On first wake in the hospital I didn’t necessarily know anything yet knew way more than not. Some people that had alternative reasons may have clung to the label “simple”, thinking it to be fitting and that I deserved it. I must implore to them, reasoning that no one deserves this.

My memory is chock full of holes, leaving tons of discrepancies and making it just ill to impossible in believing select people from my past.  So instead of believing them I prayed that God. Asking Him to only let me remember what I should remember and send it that rest careening to not. One gentleman in particular, probably due to my not explaining what it was that I meant, took all my words at face value. But then, at the same time, I remember of him to be a virtual firecracker, all bang and no buck. Would learn later that saying anything was a mistake, but at the time I was far simpler than complex in my thinking. And not to say there was no buck, because buck had he. It was just too much noise bang, bang, and everywhere a bang.

So, instead of creating a stink, I choose to live in peace. Peace is as peace does, meaning peace is not just a word it’s a mentality, peace is a form of action. From the moment you get out to the moment you sleep. Now therein lies the problem, “How can you live peacefully in such a broken and sinful world?” And the solution all lies in the Stumbling Block, the Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ . Choosing any other way and the other way chosen leads to not, nothingness. The thing I lack is all some of the answers, but if all answers were given then one would not need faith. And the definition of faith is a thing hoped for but not seen.

I was/am saved through the never-ending grace freely granted to anyone who asked by, my Lord, my God Jesus Christ. The being, the sole reason I live. For that matter the sole reason anyone lives. If, by chance, you do not know Him it is way easier than hard to gain admittance to the family. But Jesus is the key . All you need is Him. Do not listen, believing the news and TV in general, when it pushes values into your head, saying “this is cool and that is not.”

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